♫ Dance Your Shoes Off !!! ♫

Helloooo friends!
I just wanted to check in with you all. :D
Since returning from vacation, it's taken me longer than expected to fall back into the habit of blogging
(among other things).
I've been hit with some severe bouts of [fibromyalgia] fatigue that,
quite honestly,
is kicking my BEhind.
(Your prayers are coveted.)

I'm trying my very best to get it together, but until then ... enjoy this,
as I did SEVERAL times today. :)

♫ "We claim the victory He won on Calvary!
Celebrate the King Of Glory!
So RISE UP!
People of The Lord RISE UP!" ♫

#0101 - #0120 One Thousand Gifts

#0101 - BabyGirl (age 8) sliding her hand into mine as we walk down the sidewalk ♥

#0102 - the rain softly singing on the windows

#0103 - living in part of the world where the earth doesn't quake :'(

#0104 - head massages ...
even if they only last a couple minutes
>AHEM!<

#0105 - The Hubs wanting to share part of his late-dinner with me ...
even though he was famished ♥

#0106 - an American flag flapping in the breeze

#0107 - listening to my BabyDoll (age 10) warm up her vocals during her first voice lesson
(Think "fire sirens". :p)

#0108 - A new song added to my Songs Of Hope playlist, shared by a friend
(that will quietly play when I'm in pain.)



#0109 - pleasant conversations with strangers
LOVE IT!

#0110 - vehicle repairs that fall under warranty

#0111 - The Hubs rubbing my back as I burst into tears ...

#0112 - ... a cleansing cry :'(

#0113 - watching my BabyDoll shine during one of her choir concerts ♥

#0114 - being heard

#0115 - peace 'n quiet

#0116 - the return of birds chirping in the morning

#0117 - making someone laugh or smile

#0118 - finally receiving "the call"

#0119 - the anticipation of an overdue vacation

#0120 - my girls whispering secrets to each other ♥

#0061 - #0100 - One Thousand Gifts (a quadruple shot of gratitude!)

NOTE:
My apologies! When I first posted the link at Ann's place, the words of this entry were posted right on top of each other ... making it impossible to read!

Weird, huh?

UPDATE:
(3.15.10; 5:01 PM)

It appears to be acting up again! :(
Any idea on how to FIX IT?! *grr*


As my eyes drifted over my draft box this weekend, I discovered a stash of forgotten gifts!
So this week, I'm sharing a QUADRUPLE load of gratitude with y'all 'cause ... well, can one's heart be too full of gratitude??? I think not. ;o)

Do you think you can handle it?!
I sure can!
Sit back, relax, and ENJOY! :D




#0061 - warming up cold feet on the furnace vent
Ahhh ... ;o)

#0062 - stroking my daughters' hair as they fall asleep

#0063 - artwork created and presented by a child that spells out, "I'm sorry".
How could I not forgive that?!
>So sweet!<

#0064 - a glorious morning of sleeping in
owing to a snow day school cancellation
(yeah, this is a couple weeks old, but it still counts!)

#0065 - a text message from The Hubs informing me he'll pick up our girls from school so I can take a nap
XoXo

#0066 - heating pads for sore achy muscles

#0067 - Michael Buble's silky smooth voice singing my insomnia away
*sigh*
Sing to me, Michael ... LOL

#0068 - drying off with a warm towel plucked straight from the dryer

#0069 - feeling empowered after saying NO! to the cookies
"You're not the boss of me!" *giggle*

#0070 - Bare Escentuals Buxom Lips
(lip gloss)
Makes me feel purdy! ;o)




#0071 - remaining calm in a stressful situation
(I thought I should document that. LOL)

#0072 - a long cold drink of water after a strenuous workout

#0073 - sitting by the fireplace
eating a bowl of Broccoli Cheese Soup at Panera Bread
YUMO!

#0074 - time alone in a bookstore

#0075 - a good long stretch

#0076 - cozy flannel sheets
and the hum of the fan to help me relax and drift off to sleep

#0078 - headphones on, music up!
A sweet escape! ^.^

#0079 - just hearing my girls call me "Momma" ♥

#0080 - curling up in bed with my girls,
playing a game of Othello on my phone



#0081 - fresh fruit in the wintertime

#0082 - being told that you've been a blessing ♥

#0083 - a day-long pj day

#0084 - waking up multiple times during the night
[while recovering from a migraine]
with a flood of gifts in my mind ...
texting them to myself so I don't forget them
(HA! That's dedication! LOL)
Focusing on blessings among the pain ... LOVE IT!

#0085 - inspiring words from an inspiring person

#0086 - finally saving up that money to make a difference,
passing it on

#0087 - the sight of watching my girls read
(willingly is even BETTER!)

#0088 - watching my girls treat each other with respect
(please, thank you's, you're welcome's ...)

#0089 - a silly spontaneous "I Love You" song made up on the spot for a sick child,
receiving an embarrassed smile ♥

#0090 - soothing instrumental music quietly filling our home
Uncommon ... but a treat. ♫


WHY NOT?! Let's go all.the.way. to ONE HUNDRED!!!


#0091 - a flock of geese honking overhead in a dreary March morning sky

#0092 - restful naps
[that don't result in a bigger headache than when I first laid down]

#0093 - BabyGirl (age 8) pulling me close after being away at school
for "7 whole hours" and tenderly whispering,
"Ooo, I missed you today."
*melt* ♥

#0094 - Keith Urban's music. It just makes me HAPPY! ^.^

#0095 - the fresh smell of laundry directly from the dryer

#0096 - The Hubs giving me a break by taking the girls out of the house for a while

#0097 - watching I Love Lucy re-runs with The Fam ...

#0098 - ... uncontrollable laughter :p

#0099 - the Mwangaza Children's Choir from Uganda
What a blessing ... *tears*

and *drum roll*, please!

#0100 - having conversations with my girls about giving back ...
not just with your money ... but with your TIME.

(Disclaimer:
Be smart with your money,
but hang on LOOSELY ...
you can't take it with you when you go!
Make a difference with it while you can! :D)

Five On Friday: I feel the most loved when ...

It’s Friday. If you’ve got five minutes, I’m all ears.

Here’s how the game works:
you simply stop, drop and write for five minutes flat!
Set your words free.
Don’t edit them, don’t fret over them, don’t try to make them perfect.

Just let them be you.

Boy, this assignment makes this obsessive compulsive entry editor a smidgen nervous but here goes ... :>o

*deep breathe in* ... *deep breathe out* ...


I feel the most loved when people make time for me.

Listen, I'm busy. You're busy. We're all busy. We all feel the demands of life pulling us in a million different directions. Everything needs to be done and it needed to be done yesterday. But as I heard Joyce Meyer say recently, God didn't call us to be busy ... He calls us to be fruitful. So when someone makes time to -just be- with me, it makes me feel valued ... like I matter.

When My Hubs ignores the insistent ring of his cell phone (or better yet, silences it all together) and allows me to finish speaking with him, I feel validated. When he sees that the migraines and the fibro flares and the vertigo are wearing me down and I've falling behind (once again) and he takes the initiative to wash a load of towels, run the dishwasher, or make dinner ... I really feel like he cares enough to be helpful. When he offers encouragement as I explain my latest endeavor, I feel supported. And during those nights he stays in with our girls so I can enjoy a night out on the town with my girlfriends (because he knows how necessary that therapy is for my soul), I feel significant. Not only that, but he's interested to know if I've enjoyed myself when I return home. Yes, I'm a lucky gal. ;o)

When my girls gaze up at me with their big blue innocent eyes, call me Momma, voice how much they love me and have missed me while away at school for the day ... there is very little that makes me feel that loved. And on those days when the pain splitting my head in two is too great to be outside the four walls of my darken bedroom or a flare is burning my muscles, they'll carefully crawl into my bed to cuddle. I'll pull them close and we'll quietly turn on Pandora radio via my phone and listen to music together, talk about the days events, or the music itself. I make them feel special and they do the same in return. Feeling needed despite my limitations makes me feel loved.

When a friend takes the time to call and check in despite their busy schedule or a far away (yet to meet face-to-face) friend sends me a message letting me know that they have been thinking and praying for me, I feel loved. When someone looks me in the eye and asks me how I am doing ... I mean, really doing ... and then sticks around for an answer listening with their eyes, their heart, and their soul (meaning their eyes aren't darting around for an escape! LOL), I feel visible. And when a card of encouragement arrives in the mail from members of a congregation that barely know me, I especially feel like I matter.

And last, but certainly not least, my Heavenly Father who always makes time for me, therefore, always making feel like I matter, makes me feel the most loved. He's never too busy. It's never too late. He's always available. And should I forget and need to be reminded of His love, I can simply open up the pages of His Truth and see it spelled out for me in black and white ... and red. Oh, how sometimes, I need to be reminded. Likewise, we need to remind Him how much He matters to us. With palms up high, we lift up our praise to the heavens and He pours His love back down upon us, in buckets. The warmth of His embrace ... a little taste of heaven descending to earth.

And I feel completely loved.

It's in all these moments that I feel like heaven is literally pouring down on me.




Ok, confession. I took a little extra time to hunt this tune down. ;o)





As the dew falls on the blade
You have touched all this fragile frame
And as a mother knows her baby's face
You know me, You know me

As the summer air within my chest
I have breathed You deep down into my breast
And as You know the hairs upon my head
Every thought and every word I've said
Every thought and every word I've said

Savior, You have known me as I am
Healer, You have known me as I was
As I will be in the morning, in the evening
You have known me, yeah, You know me

Oh, and as the exhilaration of autumn's bite
Oh, You have brought these tired bones to brilliant life
And as the swallow knows, she knows the sky
This is how it is with You and I
Oh, this is how it is with You and I

Savior, You have known me as I am
Healer, You have known me as I was
As I will be in the morning, in the evening
You have known me, yeah, You know me

From the fall of my heart to the resurrection of my soul
You know me, God, and You know my ways
In my rising and my sitting down
You see me as I am, oh, see me as I am

And as a lover knows his beloved's heart
All the shapes and curves of her even in the dark
Oh, You have formed one in my inward parts
And You know me, You know me, yes

Savior, You, You have known me as I am
Oh, healer, You have known me as I was
As I will be in the morning, in the evening
You have known

You have known me, in the morning, in the evening
You've known me, God
In the morning, in the evening You have known me
Yeah, You've know me

You have always known me
You know me, God, You have known me
You have always known my heart

~

"Known" by Audrey Assad

#0041 - # 0050 One Thousand Gifts

#0041 - my BabyGirl (age 8) singing patriotic songs
that she learned through music class
in the shower
HA!

She started off singing "My Country 'Tis of Thee", then moved on to "The Star Spangled Banner, before closing with "You're a Grand Old Flag."
I 'bout bust a gut! LMBO Yet, so proud! ♥
Let freedom ring!!
BABYGIRL FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!! :p

#0042 - good hair days ... like, F-I-N-E fine good hair days ;o)

#0043 - a note of encouragement

(future blog entry)

#0044 - a z-pack

We take antibiotics for granted in our country. :-/

#0045 - a bowl full of Neapolitan ice cream

I am convinced a bowl full of ice cream has the same healing properties as chicken noodle soup. ;o)

#0046 - a friend asking if there is anything she could bring to my virus-infested household

#0047 - silly texts sent between The Hubs and I

He can be so funny. But I'm funnier! tee hee :p

#0048 - massaging lotion onto thirsty skin

#0049 - little hands that itch those places on your back you can't reach

#0050 - that first invigorating splash of cold water you take to the face to jump-start your day

#0031 - #0040 One Thousand Gifts

#0031 - When I call My Hub's name and he replies, "yeah, Babe" ... still
♥
xoxo

#0042 - the rhythmic sound of her chest raising and falling as she sleeps ...

#0033 - ... her soft little hands intertwined with mine

#0034 - my oldest daughter praising our Lord as she sings in the shower

#0035 - same daughter coming to me and asking me to explain a
Bible verse to her
LOVE that!

#0036 - eavesdropping as my BabyGirl sings 'n dances around the house (in her own lil' world!) ... the giggle and expression on her face when she catches me LOL

#0037 - hitting every green light you approach in traffic all day long
(come on! you know you love it too! ^.^)

#0038 - learning to listen to That Still Small Voice

#0039 - watching The Hubs spent one on one time with our girls

#0040 - the fun of doing something spontaneous
(peak-a-boo pink hair flare!)

Lord, free me up ...

I have to admit, getting back into the habit of blogging has been a challenge for me! Although I previously blogged consistently for over four years, I've been on a two year hiatus. The words just don't FLOW as easily as they once did ... and I refuse to believe it has anything to do with being two years older! REFUSE! *giggle* I'm only averaging 1 or 2 entries a week but I think that's plenty for now, wouldn't you agree? I wouldn't want anyone to grow sick of me too soon. ;o)

That being said, I've always consider myself to be an honest blogger. Aside from the occasional vent session *blush*, no, this blog will not be used to bash folks who have wronged me, as numerous as they are. (Opps, there I go! :x) Neither will I use it to air my dirty laundry or divulge my deepest darkest secrets. We must all maintain our mystery, right? *wink* But I will be REAL. And if history repeats itself, at times, raw.

If you're like me, you're not drawn to blogs that are all peaches, sunshine, 'n unicorns all the time. Although, I want to laugh and share in my fellow blogger's celebrations, I also want to be informed. More importantly, I also want them to share their heart with me. Even if that means revealing something somewhat personal.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, can I be honest with you? Are you ready for another confession?

I've spent a good hunk of my life praying a selfish prayer. As someone who's had her share of health issues over the years, I've been praying for healing ... but for all the wrong reasons.

I'd always been strong, both physically and mentally. However, several months after I turned 18, things began to change. Unresolved childhood issues and trauma combine with brand new overwhelming challenges (that I was ill-prepared for) allowed me to fall head first into a deep pit of depression and a struggle with bulimia. Although this time was actually the best time of my life thus far, what was happening behind close doors was destroying me from the inside out. Luckily, despite what I was living, I was strong enough to reach out for help. Sadly, I placed my trust in the hands of the wrong mental health professionals. By the time they were finished with me, my bout with "the blues" turned into a fight for my life. If you take anything away from this entry, let it be my plea not to blindly trust anyone who has a diploma on their wall. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE find yourself a trustworthy Christian therapist or clergymen ... someone who truly wants to see you heal, as opposed to someone who benefits from keeping you sick.

Fortunately, this period of my life only lasted a few years. Not to sugar-coat those years at all ... things were bad. It was nothing short of God's hand that rescued me. In my mid-twenties, my husband and I started a family. Aside from one horrendous case of hyperemesis gravidarum (extreme morning sickness) and swollen feet that made it difficult to even wear flip-flops, I had a good pregnancy. However, shortly after my beautiful daughter entered this world, I was hit with postpardum depression. Not the kind that you hear about in the news. No, I bonded wonderfully with my baby girl. *sigh* My problem was with myself and everyone else. But with Christian counseling and medication, I recovered well. However, several months after the birth of my second daughter, things grew very dark once again. Arguably darker. The fact that my relationship with my parents was crumbling didn't help me one bit. Once again, I reached out for help, received it, and healed. Words cannot convey how grateful I am, that through all of this, my relationship with my babies didn't suffer.

Not long after my second daughter was born, I received a diagnoses to help explain the physical pain I had endued for years. I had fibromyalgia. Chronic migraines would soon followed. At one point, I had a migraine every to every other day for three long excruciating years before pin pointing and discontinuing the cause. I've lived (and at time, suffered with) both ever since. Most recently, I have been plagued with bouts of vertigo. Horrible. Absolutely horrible. (I think I've revealed enough of my medical history ... LOL)

Most of my twenties, I lived a fairly isolated life because of my illnesses. I cried out to God more times than I can count, sometimes with fists shaking. Why wouldn't He heal me? Why??? Hadn't I suffered enough????

Cut to this past year, when my spiritual life began to shift. I was hit with the realization that I was praying for all the wrong reasons. I argued I did nothing to deserve this hand I had been dealt. I wanted God to heal me for my comfort. I wanted Him to relive my pain so I could live a better life.

Me, me, me, me, me. Me. It was all about me.

My prayer now is that, on those days I am under a flare or a migraine is splitting my head in two, He would give me the strength to withstand the pain. I pray that I might conduct myself gracefully, in a way that honors Him, despite my circumstances ... and mercy when I don't. And I pray my health conditions might place me in the path of individuals I might not otherwise come in contact with if I were perfectly healthy and that all this, all of this, may bring honor and glory to Him who is most deserving.

Most recently through prayer, I have requested that He might "free me up". What frustrates me most is not the discomfort my medical issues bring me, but the fact that I feel like they are holding me back. I want to be freed up. Freed up so I can serve Him better ... freed up to reach out to the lost and the broken ... freed up to offer hope and encouragement.

Years ago, I remember reading an article on Rev. Billy Graham. When asked what he hopes to hear after he takes his last breath on this earth and his first in eternal life, he reply, "Well done, good and faithful servant!"

That is now my prayer. That I might lead a life that merits the honor of hearing such a compliment. Well done, my love, thy "good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’ (Matthew 25:23)

But how might I do that best with my given limitations? Such has been on my heart and mind constantly over the past year. My life can be so unpredictable and not in a positive way. Although my spiritual gifts reveal that I am 100% a Giver, followed by merciful, I am not simply content with throwing money at various causes. (Not IN NO WAY to diminish the donation of funds to reputable organizations. The need is overwhelming. It's important. And I encourage you to do so any time you're able.) So how can God use me where I'm at? This has been my journey over the past year and particularity over the past several months. Although I may not be a candidate nor have felt called to overseas mission fields, doesn't God call ALL of us believers into ministry? (Matthew 28:19-20) Service in our communities, workplaces, neighborhood, etc. are equally as important.

I am thrilled to say God has revealed several different ways for me to serve. Some of them aren't anything I would've come up with on my own. But all, I'm sure, will inspire many blog entries to come. :D

______________________________

Just let me be Your hands ...
(only You can save)
Let me be Your eyes ...
(only You can save)
Help me understand, (only You can save), that I'm Your hands and feet
hidden behind this frail human disguise.

I wanna love because You loved
I wanna give because You gave
I wanna reach my hand out to the lost
'Cause I know Your hand will save.

Only You can save.

~Chris Sligh~